I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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