I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
People in love make me want to vomit
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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