Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize