forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
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He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
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This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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