I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
