My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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