i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
