he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
