Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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