Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize