I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
