guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
