True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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