He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
