I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
