I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry about my life...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
