Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
