What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
