Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
