i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
