Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we're making bets on your personal life
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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