i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
