I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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