i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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