She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
