ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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