When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize