i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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