East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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