Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
