3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
