Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
