i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
