im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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