I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
