You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hippo gnu deer
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
