I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
