dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
