btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
