Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
