this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
