i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
