I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
