About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
