Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize