It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize