Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
