Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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