Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
