i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize