If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
