Kiss
Puke
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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