I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
