he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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