I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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