Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Are we still banned from the library?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
