I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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