So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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