Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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