So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize