She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
