Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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